As the recent disasters of hurricanes Katrina and Rita have shown us all too well, we can’t always count on the community or the government to act in the best interests of those unable to advocate and care for themselves. The political will to provide adequate and equal care for all citizens, especially citizens’ physical or mental disabilities, waxes and wanes in our culture; we can never rest assured that those with special needs will have their needs met.

Perhaps partly because of discovering we can’t always count on the government or the system to do the right thing, it seems parents of special-needs children often develop amazing abilities to obtain resources for their children. In our opinion, no other group of parents is as dedicated to their children’s academic opportunities, social and emotional development and overall well-being than parents of children with special needs. Typically, these parents have spent years advocating for their children. This is exhausting and often unrecognized and underappreciated work.

Another lesson that might be taken from the unfolding drama of the hurricane disasters is that little is gained when mistakes and omissions are pushed back and forth like hot potatoes, rather than examined with humility and a desire to learn. Blaming usually elicits defensiveness. Just as accountability is important as we strive to enact better disaster-response systems, accountability is important when we consider how to best meet special needs in the schools with limited resources. But a spirit of mutual problem-solving, rather than blame, stands a better chance of eliciting cooperation from all stake-holders and, ultimately, more buy-in and more creative solutions.

Not long ago, one of us stood by and awkwardly watched the parent of an autism spectrum child rip into a school counselor for not only insensitivity but illegal behavior with regard to schoolwide disability accommodation. The saddest part of the interaction was that the parent’s complaints were legitimate, but the message was lost in the delivery.

Memories of this unpleasant parent-school counselor interaction returned to us as we watched the hurricane aftermath. It’s natural to feel incredible anger in the face of personal loss, tragedy, disappointment and injustice. Unfortunately, it’s not unusual for people to project their anger on the nearest target, even if that target might only be partially responsible or not responsible at all for difficulties they’re facing. In the short run, it might feel good to get that anger out – to attack the sales clerk because the store has run out of an item we need or to attack the classroom teacher or school counselor because the entire school system isn’t responding adequately to serious concerns. However, anger scares people. Wrongly directed, it isn’t really fair and certainly not effective. And even rightly directed, it’s unlikely to produce long-term solutions that will work to our children’s benefit.

We all know there are times when parents of special-needs children enter their children’s schools angry and ready to fight. The anger is understandable and sometimes quite justified. There are plenty of occasions when special-needs students are still denied fair and equitable educational opportunities, despite federal laws designed to ensure adequate accommodation and specialized instruction for all students with disabilities. However, the recent revision of the American School Counselor Association’s ethical code offers new hope to frustrated parents of special-needs children. It states: “Each person has the right to receive the information and support needed to move toward self-direction and self-development and affirmation within one’s group identities, with special care being given to students who have historically not received adequate educational services: students of color, low socioeconomic students, students with disabilities and students with nondominant language backgrounds.”

The ethical commitment of school counselors to special-needs students and their parents is clear. If you’re a parent of a special-needs child, this is good to know. School counselors are mandated by their ethics codes to work constructively with you. This places us on the same team; and it means we should treat each other with the same respect and dignity that cohesive teammates do.

One final note: Empowerment for special-needs students is as important or perhaps even more important than temporary direct assistance. Our revised version of the old Chinese proverb says it well: “Give a special-needs student a fish, and you have fed him or her for today. Teach a special-needs student to fish; and you have fed him or her for a lifetime.”

We hope parents and school counselors can work together to give special-needs students the accommodation and support they need (and deserve). We also hope we can avoid the over protectiveness that can backfire. Special-needs children need a boost from the government and caring adults to help them get to the point where they, like all students, can try their hand at negotiating the trials and tribulations of life in our schools and in our culture. They won’t always succeed, but then, none of us does. Just like with the hurricane disasters, the most successful plans and interventions are forged of compassionate partnership aimed at helping and empowering the most vulnerable among us.

Rita Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D., and John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D., are both counselor educators at the University of Montana. Their latest book is “Counseling and Psychotherapy Theories in Context and Practice” (John Wiley & Sons, 2004).

For More Information

Excellent information and resources for parents of special-needs children can be found at http://specialchildren.about.com/.