Children need safe environments if they are to thrive. When that safety is disrupted, for whatever reason, adults need to reassure children that they will be protected. Crises can range from school-related incidents to incidents in the community, such as natural disasters, or the world at large, such as terrorism or war.

School counselors are a vital part of crisis intervention and can help students understand and recover from the many situations that arise, both those inside and outside the school. In my career as a school counselor, I’ve been called on to tell a student about a death in the family, work with students after a teacher’s death and help students deal with a suicide at the school as well as a tragic car accident during the school day that killed three students.

Your job as a parent is to be well-informed about the school’s crisis intervention plan. One of the first things to expect after a crisis is accurate information from the school, such as a letter sent home to keep everyone informed and minimize misinformation. During a crisis children feel a loss of control, and they may feel more empowered knowing what has happened. Be honest in your discussions with your children, and let them know the basic facts. If you don’t know all the information, simply tell them that not everything is known at this time.

Crisis situations mean uncertainty for parents, who want to know how to help their children cope with their feelings and understand what has happened. Communication between parents and the school counselor is critical during and after the crisis. Children need caring adults during this time to understand them, support them and help them express their feelings. The partnership with parents and the school counselor is an important relationship that will provide the necessary foundation to help children recover from a crisis situation.

The school counselor’s role during crisis intervention includes:

• Providing crisis counseling for students
• Identifying students who need more intense counseling and post-traumatic intervention for grief/loss
• Providing information to the media on the incident and the school counselor’s role in supporting to the students
• Supporting parents, teachers and staff as they provide for the students
• Stabilizing the school environment, and helping students return to normalcy.

All children react differently to changes, so observe their behavior, and listen to them. Because children often have difficulty expressing their feelings, their grief comes out in their behavior. Their reactions will depend on their emotional development and age, their relationship to the crisis event, the information they receive about what has happened and their past experiences. They may be confused and worried about what might happen in the future. They may fear that similar events will occur in their own lives. When children have been through a difficult experience, they need reassurance. Help your children explore their emotions, and let them know that their feelings are normal.

Some children will want to repeat the story over and over to make sense of what has happened; other children may not talk about the incident at all. Younger children may not understand what has happened, especially in the case of death. If the child doesn’t understand, explain as much as needed, but don’t pressure the child into understanding. Let your children talk about the crisis as much as they need to share, allowing them to express their feelings safely without judgment.

A parent’s most difficult role in this situation is to allow their children to feel pain. We want to spare our children from tragedy; however, we shouldn’t minimize the loss. One of my students was told by her well-meaning parents that she needed to “get over it.” Her reaction was to feel angry that her parents did not trust her and resentful that they did not understand how meaningful this was to her.

This may be a stressful time for the family if the child has already experienced the death of someone close. Previous feelings may come back to the forefront, and your child may have nightmares. Continue the normal daily routine as much as possible, including a regular bedtime.

Explore different ways to help your children cope with the stress, and, most importantly, practice these coping skills yourself as well. Talking about feelings openly, exercising, getting enough sleep, laughing and taking breaks are excellent stress relievers. Limit your children’s television viewing if the crisis receives a lot of coverage.

When should you seek help from a professional for your children’s post-crisis behavior? Some aggressive behavior or acting out may be expected. Parents may see anger and sadness. However, if the behaviors continue and seem to prevent the child from continuing a normal routine after a few weeks, professional help may be needed. Your best resource is your child’s school counselor, who can provide additional resources for parents and students who are having difficulty adjusting.

Brenda Melton, M.Ed., LPC, is a school counselor at Navarro Academy, an alternative school in San Antonio, Texas, and a former board president of the American School Counselor Association. She can be reached at bmelton@saisd.net.

Children’s Common Reactions During Crises

• Shock/denial
• Sadness
• Lack of feelings
• Rebellion at school or home
• Sleep/ appetite disturbances
• School problems, such as fighting, withdrawal, attention-seeking, poor concentration
• Physical problems, such as headaches, stomach aches, frequent illnesses
• Over-involvement with peers or loss of interest in peer and social activities
• Idealization of the deceased
• Restlessness/ disorganization
• Preoccupation with the situation