President’s Letter: Focusing on Families

I was fortunate to be a school counselor in the same middle school for 28 years. Many parents would bring younger siblings when they came to meet with me, siblings who would later be students in my school. They also would share information with me about the older sister’s/brother’s graduation, new job, and family events. It was exciting to hear when students met their goals, and the younger sibling and I could then discuss their goals and how to meet them. Frequently at Back to School night, former students would bring their children to see me. It was so rewarding to see a former student in the parent role trying as hard as they could to get it just right.

Focusing on families was not new to me. As a junior high school teacher before I became a school counselor, I would assign a different type of homework assignments to my special education students. I asked them to read for 15 minutes each night to their younger brothers and sisters and provided books that they could borrow. Even though I was new at being an educator, I knew that the family dynamics were important. Little children look up to their older brothers and sisters. I wanted to use that for the good.

Many middle schoolers do not want their parents involved, but I have always believed that parents need to be involved with their 10- to 14-year-olds almost more than they ever have. School counselors always have to follow legal and ethical guidelines, adhere to confidentiality and follow FERPA. I would see the sixth graders come to middle school as children and finish eighth grade as young adults. I felt it was my role to help them leave my school as a positive adult. Of course, I did not do that by myself. School counselors are contributing members of the team that supports the success of a child. Parents, grandparents, foster parents, guardians and family members are critical in helping children find the positive. The families I worked with always wanted a better life for their children than their own life.

I was brought up in a loving and caring home – I was one of the lucky ones. I try to share that love, care and respect not only with my own children, but with the students and families that I work with. Responsible parenting is tough. Parents who did not grow up in a loving, caring home have a harder job to do. Some cannot rely on what they observed through childhood. Some must think before that automatic response happens. After our Advisory Council meetings, we left extra time so parents could chat with the school counselors. Those informal meeting were beneficial for both the parents and for the school counselors as we learned more about the families and about the community. We brought in speakers for our family workshops, we provided parenting classes and we listened. Understanding the family can help school counselors provide the best services to their students.
 
Contact Nancy Jarman-Dunn, CASC president, at nancy.jarman-dunn@schoolcounselor-ca.org.