Just Breathe

I saw a sixth grader crying in the hall and asked her to walk with me to my office. She silently accompanied me, hanging her head to the point I wasn’t sure that she could even see where she was walking. I noticed as we traveled to my office that she had a pair of headphones dangling around her neck like an accessory. I casually said, “I like those headphones.” I felt a need to quickly make a connection with her. Her hand inadvertently touched the headphones, and she nodded. 
 
After we arrived at my office, I directed her to a chair and said, “Whenever you would like to talk with me, I am here to listen.” She and I sat in silence for several minutes, allowing her a safe place and time to just breathe. About 15 minutes passed before she looked up; I raised my head and smiled. She then quietly said, “I’m worried, and I don’t know why.”
 
Anxiety is “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.” In recent years, I have seen a rising trend of students with anxiety, manifesting itself in the form of having a headache or wanting to go home or, perhaps, getting teary upon speaking, or barreling in and exclaiming, “X is making me have anxiety!” 
 
The question is, why?
 
Today's students live under a microscope called social media. Many also live with increasing expectations from parents, friends, and even themselves. Constant comparisons, whether real or perceived, can take away the ability to "just breathe,” allowing anxiety to grow. For these students, school counselors begin by investing in the relationship. This girl had spent much time separating herself from others, using her headphones, because of constant comparison of herself to others. It was important for a trusting, non-judgmental relationship to develop before I could help her find coping mechanisms that were right for her. Throughout our time together at the middle school, she and I worked on skills that reinforced that she was fine just the way she was and allowed her to just breathe through stressful times. As she prepared to transition to another level, I reminded her of the skills she had learned, and encouraged her to “just breathe.” 
 
I later transferred to the high school, and this same student is again on my caseload, Recently, I opened my office door, and there she was…wearing the biggest smile I had ever seen. As she ran to me, I noticed that her headphones had been replaced. I looked at her and smiled, and said, “What a beautiful necklace!” 
 
School counselors, through the relationships we build, through the strategies we teach, and through the respect we convey, serve as formidable advocates for our students against the comparisons that cause anxiety. We see and value our students as unique individuals who have no comparison. With us, they can just breathe.
 
Lori Kayser is assistant chair of the MSCA Board of Directors.