Are You Listening?
By Michelle Sircy, Ed.D., and Damian Sweeney, Ed.D. | March 2026
Does your data collection include student and family voices? When students and families share their thoughts, feelings and experiences, school counselors gain valuable insights that quantitative data alone may not capture. It also demonstrates to students and families that their voices matter and their input is integral to shaping policies and practices affecting their lives.
Empathy interviews can help school counselors incorporate qualitative insights into discussions surrounding student support, experiences and education. They promote genuine dialogue, nurture empathy and steer informed actions toward a more inclusive educational landscape.
Start with students who are traditionally at the margins and heterogenous versus a homogenous group of students who tend to be asked to share their voices often. These open-ended, nonjudgmental conversations help school counselors understand their students’ and families’ stories, experiences, perceptions and aspirations on a deeper, more personal level. They create a safe space for students to share authentically without fear of retribution or judgment.
After creating several questions to ask during empathy interviews, school counselors break down the “data” (what was shared) into themes that illuminate student perceptions in an organized way. We recommend making this data-gathering tool part of your school counselor advisory.
Following are steps for conducting empathy interviews:
Identify the issue: Start by identifying the key issues affecting your school culture and climate, your comprehensive school counseling program or your students, such as cultural misunderstandings, conflicts or emotional struggles.
Select participants: Choose a diverse and representative group of students, including students from different cultural backgrounds, neurodiverse students, multilingual learners, students from all socioeconomic levels and students with varying levels of academic achievement who are directly or indirectly involved in the issues. Ensure confidentiality and sensitivity throughout the process.
Prepare for the interviews: Develop a set of open-ended questions that encourage students to share their thoughts, feelings and experiences. Practice active listening and empathetic responses to build trust and rapport.
Conduct the interviews: Schedule one-on-one interviews with the selected students. Create a safe and supportive space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves. Use the questions as a guide, but allow for organic conversations to unfold.
Listen with empathy: During the interviews, focus on listening attentively and empathizing with the students’ experiences. Validate their feelings and perspectives, even if they differ from your own.
Reflect and analyze: Take notes during the interviews, perhaps with sticky notes you add to large chart paper. After the interviews, begin grouping the notes into themes that recur. Reflect on the insights and analyze the common themes or challenges students or families face. Consider how these findings can inform your school counseling approach and schoolwide initiatives.
Take action: Use the insights from the empathy interviews to develop targeted interventions and support strategies. Collaborate with teachers, administrators and other education partners to create a more inclusive and empathetic school environment based on the qualitative data and themes you heard during the empathy interviews.
Follow-up and support: Follow up with the participating students to provide ongoing support and monitor their progress. Use this opportunity to strengthen your relationship with them and promote a culture of empathy and understanding.
Three scenarios show how empathy interviews can help ensure we are authentically listening to better understand our students’ and families’ experiences.
You’re a newly hired elementary school counselor. Everything the school community knows about school counseling is based on your predecessor, who was there for eight years. She referred to herself as a guidance counselor and was rarely in classrooms. Often, she could be found doing paperwork in her office. You know that although this school counselor was well-meaning, something has to change.
Here are ideas for empathy interview questions for this scenario.
For scenario two, try some of these empathy interview questions:
For scenario three, here are some empathy interview questions you could ask.
Michelle Sircy, Ed.D., a former school counselor, is program coordinator for comprehensive school counseling, Kentucky Department of Education. She can be reached at michelle.sircy@education.ky.gov. Damien Sweeney, Ed.D., also a former school counselor, is director of diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging, Kentucky Department of Education. He can be reached at damien.sweeney@education.ky.gov.
Empathy interviews can help school counselors incorporate qualitative insights into discussions surrounding student support, experiences and education. They promote genuine dialogue, nurture empathy and steer informed actions toward a more inclusive educational landscape.
Start with students who are traditionally at the margins and heterogenous versus a homogenous group of students who tend to be asked to share their voices often. These open-ended, nonjudgmental conversations help school counselors understand their students’ and families’ stories, experiences, perceptions and aspirations on a deeper, more personal level. They create a safe space for students to share authentically without fear of retribution or judgment.
After creating several questions to ask during empathy interviews, school counselors break down the “data” (what was shared) into themes that illuminate student perceptions in an organized way. We recommend making this data-gathering tool part of your school counselor advisory.
Step By Step
Following are steps for conducting empathy interviews:Identify the issue: Start by identifying the key issues affecting your school culture and climate, your comprehensive school counseling program or your students, such as cultural misunderstandings, conflicts or emotional struggles.
Select participants: Choose a diverse and representative group of students, including students from different cultural backgrounds, neurodiverse students, multilingual learners, students from all socioeconomic levels and students with varying levels of academic achievement who are directly or indirectly involved in the issues. Ensure confidentiality and sensitivity throughout the process.
Prepare for the interviews: Develop a set of open-ended questions that encourage students to share their thoughts, feelings and experiences. Practice active listening and empathetic responses to build trust and rapport.
Conduct the interviews: Schedule one-on-one interviews with the selected students. Create a safe and supportive space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves. Use the questions as a guide, but allow for organic conversations to unfold.
Listen with empathy: During the interviews, focus on listening attentively and empathizing with the students’ experiences. Validate their feelings and perspectives, even if they differ from your own.
Reflect and analyze: Take notes during the interviews, perhaps with sticky notes you add to large chart paper. After the interviews, begin grouping the notes into themes that recur. Reflect on the insights and analyze the common themes or challenges students or families face. Consider how these findings can inform your school counseling approach and schoolwide initiatives.
Take action: Use the insights from the empathy interviews to develop targeted interventions and support strategies. Collaborate with teachers, administrators and other education partners to create a more inclusive and empathetic school environment based on the qualitative data and themes you heard during the empathy interviews.
Follow-up and support: Follow up with the participating students to provide ongoing support and monitor their progress. Use this opportunity to strengthen your relationship with them and promote a culture of empathy and understanding.
Three scenarios show how empathy interviews can help ensure we are authentically listening to better understand our students’ and families’ experiences.
Scenario One
You’re a newly hired elementary school counselor. Everything the school community knows about school counseling is based on your predecessor, who was there for eight years. She referred to herself as a guidance counselor and was rarely in classrooms. Often, she could be found doing paperwork in her office. You know that although this school counselor was well-meaning, something has to change.Here are ideas for empathy interview questions for this scenario.
- School counselors are focused on three domains: academic, career and social/emotional development. I plan to get into classrooms to talk to kids about the importance of all three of these domains throughout the year. Above all else, however, I want each student to feel seen and known. What would help you feel seen and known by me as your school counselor?
- We know that kids in elementary school thrive when they feel confident in their relationships at school. Do you think kids at our school feel like it is easy to make friends here, or do you think it can be hard to make friends? Do kids experience bullying here? If so, what are some ways you think we can stop that?
Scenario Two
You notice that many of your middle school students are increasingly anxious, a trend that is starting to affect attendance, behavior, course passing and the school climate and culture. You need to find a way to address this.For scenario two, try some of these empathy interview questions:
- Are you aware of some of the national trends in youth mental health? After I make you aware of these trends, let me know how they sit with you. Are some of these trends affirming what you believe students at our school are experiencing? What feelings come up when you hear about these trends and then think about our school?
- What can I do as a school counselor to help students who may be struggling with anxiety and their mental health? Is there anything you think we can do as a school to help?
- How can our school help families support children who may be anxious?
Scenario Three
At your large high school with diverse student populations, you’ve noticed an increase in student conflicts and emotional distress, particularly among students from different cultural backgrounds. You know the importance of a supportive and inclusive environment for all students and you want to learn why the conflict is occurring.For scenario three, here are some empathy interview questions you could ask.
- We’ve noticed an increase in student referrals around harassment and discrimination. Often, this is happening to students of different cultural backgrounds. What are you seeing and hearing in the hallways, on the bus, in the cafeteria or even in your classrooms that you think may be contributing to this?
- How do you think being referred to as a derogatory, racist or homophobic term feels for someone? How long do you think those experiences will be imprinted on the person being called those things?
- What can we do to help our school community understand how much words hurt, the lasting impact these words have on people and how to become upstanders (when you see or hear something harmful, you say something to an adult)?
Michelle Sircy, Ed.D., a former school counselor, is program coordinator for comprehensive school counseling, Kentucky Department of Education. She can be reached at michelle.sircy@education.ky.gov. Damien Sweeney, Ed.D., also a former school counselor, is director of diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging, Kentucky Department of Education. He can be reached at damien.sweeney@education.ky.gov.