Changing the Anxiety Conversation
By Cindy Murphy, Ph.D., and LeAnne Hale | January 2026
Schools across the country continue to see a rise in student anxiety, with school counselors, teachers and administrators working with more and more students who are paralyzed by worry and a sense of helplessness. These students often cannot enter the building, take tests or give presentations without overwhelming distress. The conversation about student anxiety has grown louder, but it often remains focused on diagnosis, individual counseling and access to therapy. Clinical support with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the gold standard, but many students simply cannot access those services due to barriers including cost, availability and waitlists that stretch for months. In the meantime, schools are left to respond daily to the ripple effects of anxiety in classrooms and homes.
As school counselors and educators, we have an opportunity to reshape how we understand and address anxiety, moving from viewing it as a problem to avoid or eliminate toward recognizing it as a challenge that students can learn to manage, navigate and ultimately use as a tool for growth. Research in this area highlights that lasting change depends on supporting not only the student, but also the caregivers in the child’s life, be it a parent, guardian, school counselor or classroom teacher (read a second research example). Students do not experience anxiety in isolation. It exists and even grows according to the responses from those around them, with the anxious responses of the adults in the child’s life often contributing to even higher levels of anxiety and the encouragement of ineffective or even harmful coping mechanisms.
These “quick fix” responses are common in schools with teachers and school counselors because they work in the short term. But to affect outcomes long term, schools must help families and educators move away from avoidance strategies and learn a new way of responding that builds tolerance to discomfort. This requires reframing our intervention model from “How do we help students feel less anxious?” to “How do we help students do hard things even when anxious?”
Within a multitiered system of supports (MTSS) framework, this approach could serve as a Tier 1 intervention with all school staff and parents/guardians who want to learn to combat unhealthy anxiety through building supportive relationships, encouraging flexibility and educating everyone about anxiety and how it works. For a Tier 2 intervention, the groups would be more targeted to families and students with 504 plans for anxiety or who are at risk for school refusal/chronic absenteeism, or for whom anxiety has begun negatively impacting their daily lives. The book study model would combine psychoeducation, peer support and guided practice. Parents/guardians and teachers would meet regularly for 10 weekly sessions led by a school counselor or social worker to explore the chapters, share experiences and apply techniques.
Importantly, this shift in addressing anxiety creates vital collaboration among all parties when working with the most difficult cases of avoidance, including school refusal and chronic absenteeism. In most of these cases, parents/guardians and school staff have become frustrated and desperate for answers, trying to find the balance between helping the child learn to manage overwhelming fear and anxiety and protecting their mental health. It also provides a place to begin while waiting to access individual therapy, or it can be used in conjunction with therapy for the child. As research has shown, working with caregivers can be as effective as CBT alone. Over time, this collective approach can shift an entire school culture from ineffective reactive responses to proactive and empowering skill building.
Changing the anxiety conversation means moving away from messages of reassurance and rescue toward messages of courage and confidence. It means replacing avoidance with approach, reassurance with resilience, and isolation with collaboration. When parents/guardians, teachers and school counselors share a unified understanding of how anxiety works and how to respond to it effectively, students begin to believe they can do hard things.
Contact Cindy Murphy, Ph.D., a member of the online school counseling faculty at Grand Canyon University, at cindy.murphy@gcu.edu. Contact LeAnne Hale, a school social worker with Oconee County Schools in Georgia, at lthale@oconeeschools.org.
As school counselors and educators, we have an opportunity to reshape how we understand and address anxiety, moving from viewing it as a problem to avoid or eliminate toward recognizing it as a challenge that students can learn to manage, navigate and ultimately use as a tool for growth. Research in this area highlights that lasting change depends on supporting not only the student, but also the caregivers in the child’s life, be it a parent, guardian, school counselor or classroom teacher (read a second research example). Students do not experience anxiety in isolation. It exists and even grows according to the responses from those around them, with the anxious responses of the adults in the child’s life often contributing to even higher levels of anxiety and the encouragement of ineffective or even harmful coping mechanisms.
Avoidance
Research by the National Institute of Health suggests that at least 65 percent of anxious children have at least one anxious parent/guardian. These well-meaning adults often respond to their child’s fear by means of accommodation. They allow the child to stay home, avoiding challenges or discomfort of any kind, offering reassurance and rescue again and again. While these responses are comforting in the short term, they inadvertently reinforce avoidance, creating greater anxiety the next time and robbing students of the development of a sense of competence and capability. Teachers may unintentionally do the same, lowering demands or allowing escape from uncomfortable tasks. In both home and school contexts, the message becomes: “You can’t handle this.” In many of these instances, this could be due to parental or caregiver experiential avoidance. The parent/guardian, teacher or school counselor has difficulty managing their own stress and the child’s distress and therefore accommodates the student for a quick resolution.These “quick fix” responses are common in schools with teachers and school counselors because they work in the short term. But to affect outcomes long term, schools must help families and educators move away from avoidance strategies and learn a new way of responding that builds tolerance to discomfort. This requires reframing our intervention model from “How do we help students feel less anxious?” to “How do we help students do hard things even when anxious?”
Making the Shift
Two initiatives to support this shift are the development of parent/guardian book study groups and school professional development communities using “Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents” by Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons as the central text. The concept is simple but effective. Through separate sessions for parents/guardians, students and school staff, groups learn the same language and strategies for addressing anxiety. Rather than operating in silos, schools and families collaborate to create a consistent message that supports the students, one that is focused on empowerment, education and skill building.Within a multitiered system of supports (MTSS) framework, this approach could serve as a Tier 1 intervention with all school staff and parents/guardians who want to learn to combat unhealthy anxiety through building supportive relationships, encouraging flexibility and educating everyone about anxiety and how it works. For a Tier 2 intervention, the groups would be more targeted to families and students with 504 plans for anxiety or who are at risk for school refusal/chronic absenteeism, or for whom anxiety has begun negatively impacting their daily lives. The book study model would combine psychoeducation, peer support and guided practice. Parents/guardians and teachers would meet regularly for 10 weekly sessions led by a school counselor or social worker to explore the chapters, share experiences and apply techniques.
Importantly, this shift in addressing anxiety creates vital collaboration among all parties when working with the most difficult cases of avoidance, including school refusal and chronic absenteeism. In most of these cases, parents/guardians and school staff have become frustrated and desperate for answers, trying to find the balance between helping the child learn to manage overwhelming fear and anxiety and protecting their mental health. It also provides a place to begin while waiting to access individual therapy, or it can be used in conjunction with therapy for the child. As research has shown, working with caregivers can be as effective as CBT alone. Over time, this collective approach can shift an entire school culture from ineffective reactive responses to proactive and empowering skill building.
Changing the anxiety conversation means moving away from messages of reassurance and rescue toward messages of courage and confidence. It means replacing avoidance with approach, reassurance with resilience, and isolation with collaboration. When parents/guardians, teachers and school counselors share a unified understanding of how anxiety works and how to respond to it effectively, students begin to believe they can do hard things.
Contact Cindy Murphy, Ph.D., a member of the online school counseling faculty at Grand Canyon University, at cindy.murphy@gcu.edu. Contact LeAnne Hale, a school social worker with Oconee County Schools in Georgia, at lthale@oconeeschools.org.