Nurture Emotionally Resilient Students
By Renee’ Schoening, Ed.D., and Tanya Kirschman | May 2026
Emotionally resilient students can identify and regulate their emotions and manage stress, and can see mistakes as learning opportunities. They can withstand setbacks and are adaptable to change. They are able to recognize what they need and communicate those needs in a clear and assertive way. Students who have these skills are better able to focus in the classroom and engage more fully in the business of learning. They are also happier adults capable of leading fulfilling lives rich with satisfying relationships and meaningful work.
The ASCA Student Standards: Mindsets & Behaviors for Student Success clearly prioritize self-management as a focus of development for students. We posit here that B-SMS-2, “self-discipline and self-control,” influences all of the mindsets and most of the behaviors. Students who can manage their emotions become more able to be rational and positive in their mindsets and more capable of success in the other behavior standards.
As systems change agents, school counselors understand that positive school culture and a safe work environment exist when the adults in the building are calm, consistent and caring. Nurturing emotional resilience in students begins with understanding the need for adults to embody these skills themselves.
One of the biggest challenges for students today is the ability to regulate their emotions. The best way to address this in a school system is through co-regulation: when the nervous system of one individual influences that of another. We cannot talk about developing emotionally resilient students without addressing the need for adults to be resilient first. The only way for educators to nurture resilience is to be self-aware and able to create a sense of calm within themselves, regardless of their students’ emotional state.
Dr. Dan Siegel provides a wealth of research and resources to help us understand how to promote emotional resilience in ourselves and in others. He coined the term “window of tolerance,” which refers to the optimal zone of arousal, when stress is present but doesn’t compromise the ability to make good decisions. Self-awareness, the foundation of all social/emotional learning and emotional intelligence, includes knowing our own window of tolerance. This includes bottom-up strategies (discussed below) and listening to the cues from our bodies when we are activated. We must then understand what we need to remain in the optimal window so that we don’t make poor decisions due to emotional overwhelm. Teresa Lewis explains this concept and tools for emotion regulation.
With current record high rates of anxiety in students, it is important to talk both about why this is happening and about solutions. In his book “The Anxious Generation,” Jonathan Haidt addresses the impact of technology and the virtual world on Gen Z. We know that smart phones have had a tremendous impact on the social/emotional development of children. In addition to the practical co-regulation strategies we suggest here, we also encourage school counselors to advocate for change in school cell phone policies that will result in higher levels of attunement and engagement for all students. This is a proactive strategy that will help with nervous system regulation for students and adults alike.
Understanding resilience and regulation is the first step. The following section provides practical strategies to use immediately in your work.
In the brain, bottom-up processing occurs when something in the environment triggers the brain’s survival system (the “downstairs brain”), limiting access to reasoning and reflection. These strategies focus on calming the nervous system first so higher level thinking can return.
Movement: Large, rhythmic movement (marching, arm circles, walking, jumping, swinging, rocking, riding a stationary bike) is one of the fastest ways to reduce stress hormones and restore regulation. As students calm, movements can become smaller and more controlled.
Play: Play can reduce stress and strengthen connection. When students are dysregulated, adults lead and invite the child to join; when regulated, children can lead, supporting real-time integration of thoughts and feelings.
Drinking/Swallowing: Swallowing requires regulation of the prefrontal cortex, making food or drink a powerful physiological regulation tool – not a reward, but a strategy.
Naming Emotions: Helping students “name it to tame it” builds emotional awareness and increases their ability to manage feelings.
Cognitive-Behavioral Strategies (CBT): Students learn how thoughts influence emotions and behaviors and practice reframing unhelpful thinking patterns before emotions escalate.
Role-Playing: Using puppets, toys or storytelling allows students to practice regulation strategies in safe, structured scenarios.
Music and Dance: Music can regulate mood bottom-up through emotional response and top-down through meaning and familiarity. Dance breaks boost dopamine, regulate emotions and provide expressive release.
Effective regulation begins with calming the body before coaching the brain. When adults respond to a student’s emotional state rather than just their behavior, regulation becomes possible. Bottom-up strategies restore a sense of safety in the nervous system, while top-down strategies help students build awareness, reflection and problem-solving skills. Together, these approaches create the conditions for students to feel safe, connected and ready to learn.
Renee' Schoening, Ed.D. is the director of School Counseling and Trauma-Informed Social Emotional Learning Graduate Programs at Whitworth University in Spokane, Wash. Contact her at rschoening@whitworh.edu. Tanya Kirschman is a K–5 school counselor at Highland Elementary in Billings, Mont. Contact her at kirschmant@billingsschools.org.
Resources for Future Learning
The ASCA Student Standards: Mindsets & Behaviors for Student Success clearly prioritize self-management as a focus of development for students. We posit here that B-SMS-2, “self-discipline and self-control,” influences all of the mindsets and most of the behaviors. Students who can manage their emotions become more able to be rational and positive in their mindsets and more capable of success in the other behavior standards.
As systems change agents, school counselors understand that positive school culture and a safe work environment exist when the adults in the building are calm, consistent and caring. Nurturing emotional resilience in students begins with understanding the need for adults to embody these skills themselves.
One of the biggest challenges for students today is the ability to regulate their emotions. The best way to address this in a school system is through co-regulation: when the nervous system of one individual influences that of another. We cannot talk about developing emotionally resilient students without addressing the need for adults to be resilient first. The only way for educators to nurture resilience is to be self-aware and able to create a sense of calm within themselves, regardless of their students’ emotional state.
Dr. Dan Siegel provides a wealth of research and resources to help us understand how to promote emotional resilience in ourselves and in others. He coined the term “window of tolerance,” which refers to the optimal zone of arousal, when stress is present but doesn’t compromise the ability to make good decisions. Self-awareness, the foundation of all social/emotional learning and emotional intelligence, includes knowing our own window of tolerance. This includes bottom-up strategies (discussed below) and listening to the cues from our bodies when we are activated. We must then understand what we need to remain in the optimal window so that we don’t make poor decisions due to emotional overwhelm. Teresa Lewis explains this concept and tools for emotion regulation.
With current record high rates of anxiety in students, it is important to talk both about why this is happening and about solutions. In his book “The Anxious Generation,” Jonathan Haidt addresses the impact of technology and the virtual world on Gen Z. We know that smart phones have had a tremendous impact on the social/emotional development of children. In addition to the practical co-regulation strategies we suggest here, we also encourage school counselors to advocate for change in school cell phone policies that will result in higher levels of attunement and engagement for all students. This is a proactive strategy that will help with nervous system regulation for students and adults alike.
Understanding resilience and regulation is the first step. The following section provides practical strategies to use immediately in your work.
In the brain, bottom-up processing occurs when something in the environment triggers the brain’s survival system (the “downstairs brain”), limiting access to reasoning and reflection. These strategies focus on calming the nervous system first so higher level thinking can return.
Bottom-Up Strategies
Mindful Breathing: Teaching students to slow and control their breathing directly influences the autonomic nervous system, helping them shift from reactive to reflective. With consistent practice, breathing becomes a learned response to stress.Movement: Large, rhythmic movement (marching, arm circles, walking, jumping, swinging, rocking, riding a stationary bike) is one of the fastest ways to reduce stress hormones and restore regulation. As students calm, movements can become smaller and more controlled.
Play: Play can reduce stress and strengthen connection. When students are dysregulated, adults lead and invite the child to join; when regulated, children can lead, supporting real-time integration of thoughts and feelings.
Drinking/Swallowing: Swallowing requires regulation of the prefrontal cortex, making food or drink a powerful physiological regulation tool – not a reward, but a strategy.
Top-Down Strategies
Top-down approaches are most effective when students are already regulated and able to access reasoning skills.Naming Emotions: Helping students “name it to tame it” builds emotional awareness and increases their ability to manage feelings.
Cognitive-Behavioral Strategies (CBT): Students learn how thoughts influence emotions and behaviors and practice reframing unhelpful thinking patterns before emotions escalate.
Role-Playing: Using puppets, toys or storytelling allows students to practice regulation strategies in safe, structured scenarios.
Dual-Process Strategies
Yoga: Combines breath, movement and mindfulness to increase body awareness and promote a sense of safety and calm.Music and Dance: Music can regulate mood bottom-up through emotional response and top-down through meaning and familiarity. Dance breaks boost dopamine, regulate emotions and provide expressive release.
Effective regulation begins with calming the body before coaching the brain. When adults respond to a student’s emotional state rather than just their behavior, regulation becomes possible. Bottom-up strategies restore a sense of safety in the nervous system, while top-down strategies help students build awareness, reflection and problem-solving skills. Together, these approaches create the conditions for students to feel safe, connected and ready to learn.
Renee' Schoening, Ed.D. is the director of School Counseling and Trauma-Informed Social Emotional Learning Graduate Programs at Whitworth University in Spokane, Wash. Contact her at rschoening@whitworh.edu. Tanya Kirschman is a K–5 school counselor at Highland Elementary in Billings, Mont. Contact her at kirschmant@billingsschools.org.
Resources for Future Learning
- Carrington, J. (2020). Kids these days: A game plan for (re)connecting with those we teach, lead, & love. Impress.
- Delahooke, M. (2019). Beyond behaviors: Using brain science and compassion to understand and solve children's behavioral challenges. PESI Publishing.
- Haidt, J. (2024). The anxious generation: How the great rewiring of childhood is causing an epidemic of mental illness. Penguin Press.
- Healy, G. (2023). 15-minute focus: Regulation and co-regulation: Accessible neuroscience and connection strategies that bring calm into the classroom. National Center for Youth Issues.
- Siegel, D. J. (2020). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. Guilford.
- Souers, K. V. M., & Hall, P. (2018). Relationship, responsibility, and regulation: Trauma-invested practices for fostering resilient learners. ASCD.